He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
