mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As shirtless as possible
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
