Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
