so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
