yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dear god my vagina.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
