how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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