I met the friendliest cop last night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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