my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
