the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
