i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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