I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
