I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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