My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
