why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
