Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
