apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
