just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
