Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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