question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
