what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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