I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
