My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
