the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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