I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
