I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
