apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
