My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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