she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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