I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
