He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
