I'm drive I can fine osifer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
