I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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