During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
