this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
