Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
BRING THE BAGELS
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
