The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
