why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
