I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
