that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
