dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
