We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
