Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I could fuck to npr.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
