Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
