hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
