Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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