That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
