You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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