Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
