dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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