No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
