no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
