I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Terrible idea I love it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
